


Bravery shines brighter in the light of fear

by WinglessCrows



Series: Through the Eyes of a Cook [21]
Category: One Piece
Genre: Food, Meta, Nakamaship, Post-Dressrosa, Starvation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-21
Updated: 2018-02-21
Packaged: 2019-03-22 06:37:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13758390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinglessCrows/pseuds/WinglessCrows
Summary: One of Sanji's worst fears is becoming a reality. They are running out of food with no opportunity to restock.





	Bravery shines brighter in the light of fear

**Author's Note:**

> The first part of this is basically a meta.

Fear. What a horrible word, yet it is one which everyone knows of. Not just in definition, but in practice. Everyone has fears. Some are faster to show their fears and are more open about them, while others hide theirs well. But fear is present in everyone nonetheless. Some fears are irrational, superficial and are often rooted in rumours or stories. They are fears which can often be dealt with quickly and it is a fear which people are fast to admit to. Not because they think it is rational and they feel like other people should share their fear, but because it  _is_ an irrational fear, and they acknowledge that, so people around them don't get the idea that they should be scared too.

A fear such as that would be Nami's fear of bugs. There was no real reason for her to fear them, but they were gross and  _you could never know what they were thinking._ Sanji couldn't really say that he was too fond of bugs himself, but maybe there was another reason for that lurking in the back of his mind. Thankfully most of the other crew members did not share their fear in the slightest. Chopper was a good friend of all animals (unless they were trying to kill him), and people like Robin and Usopp, who had both lived lives of solitude, found the company of animals pleasing. Of course, if asked they'd probably prefer cuddling a dog rather than a centipede, but they had no fear for them and Usopp had taken the task of removing all unwanted spiders from the kitchen. Not because Sanji couldn't do it himself, no, no, he just had better things to do than carry spiders outside.

Other fears were sometimes rooted in some rationality, but only manifested itself because of other circumstances. It was like having a fear of fire. Obviously fire can burn and kill, but if handled correctly it could also be a key element in surviving. Thankfully no one on the Sunny were scared of fire. Sanji had for some time after the events of Marineford been afraid that Luffy's attitude towards fire would have turned for the worse, but Luffy was strong and not really fond of all that metaphorical stuff. It had only helped when Sabo, Luffy's long lost and thought to be dead brother, showed up and acquired their late brother's powers. However, a fear like this which did exist on the crew was the fear of lightning which Chopper held. It was a combination of different things that contributed to this fear. Coming from a Winter Island, thunderstorms were possibly the rarest of weather phenomenons, though they were not completely unheard of. This meant that before Chopper had joined the crew and left Sakura Kingdom, he had never experienced thunder, and it didn't really help that his first encounter with it was on a sky island, where a self-proclaimed God tried to kill all of them with his lightning abilities. So Chopper was scared of thunder and whenever Nami warned that a thunderstorm was approaching, Chopper would hide inside the kitchen where Sanji would serve him hot chocolate with marshmallows and Usopp would join to tell stories of courageous heroes.

And then there are those fears which are unique to a single person, because they are not rooted in anything other than personal experience. Sometimes these fears are exaggerated versions of an irrational fear, because there is great difference between being scared of spiders because you find them gross and being scared of them because you were once bitten and only just survived a deadly poison. Sanji had once thought that strength could be measured in whether one would cower in fear because of a bad experience or whether they would stand strong and not let it face them, but through the years his opinion had changed drastically, because in this world there was no one as strong as Luffy, and Luffy did not live by this concept. At least not entirely.

During their time together, Luffy had almost been killed by a large number of things. He had almost drowned on many occasions, yet he held no fear for the ocean. Sanji sometimes wished that he did, because it was getting annoying to pull him out of the water after he had jumped in himself. Luffy had almost been stabbed to death, and Zoro would still yell at him to stop playing with his swords. Luffy had almost succumbed to poison, but whenever he found himself being infected he'd just brush it off, smile reassuringly and say that he had had worse. And Luffy had almost been burned to death and had a huge gash on his chest to show it, yet he still found comfort in the warm flames. And while all this applied to Sanji's previous opinion, there were also things that didn't, because Luffy feared nothing more than losing his crew, yet it also made him stronger.

There had been many incidents in which someone from the notorious straw hat crew had almost died or been taken away from them, and while most of these incidents involved the captain himself, it was the others which struck fear in their hearts. The best representation of this would be the whole Enies Lobby incident. The crew had been torn apart. People had left for various reasons, and the members who were left all had different opinions on their situation. Sanji remembered how he'd forced himself to stay quiet as soon as Usopp had said that he would leave and Luffy hadn't done a better job of convincing him not to, because Sanji had been so against the outcome that he could have destroyed the Merry then and there, just to change the situation completely. It had been horrible, because no one had wanted Usopp to leave, yet both Luffy and Zoro had accepted it, while Nami, Chopper and Sanji had continued to watch out for Usopp after his match with Luffy.

The situation had only worsened when Robin hadn't been seen after they had docked, and they learned that she had been taken away by the powers of the World Government. There had been turmoil and chaos, yet what had broken them, ended up becoming their strength. Usopp's leave had been triggered by the destroyed Merry, but had been rooted in his fears of not being good enough for the crew, and most importantly, not good enough for Luffy, and in Enies Lobby he had proved himself wrong. He had been brave, strong and he had saved their lives. Robin had left because she feared that the happiness she had finally found would backfire on the ones she loved, but by gaining the same enemies, she let go of her fear and fought for her life, which she had previously been ready to throw away without a second thought. Franky, who had not been on their good side at the start of this horrific journey, had become a dependable ally and later a crew mate, who would provide them with a new ship and new security, all the while he had overcome whatever demons resided in his head.

Still, fear had been born of the incident. Whenever they found themselves in a fight with marines who ushered the least of threats, Luffy would glance to Robin and go out of his way to ensure her safety, even when there was no need. Whenever an argument on the Sunny got out of hand, Luffy would show an unusual amount of diplomacy and resolve whatever the problem was. He often covered his reasons to do so up with excuses like  _I'm the Captain_ and  _You're ruining the mood,_ and while they weren't lies, Sanji, and many others, were painfully aware of why he was acting like he was. Of course, it wasn't often that these things happened often, but it didn't take a genius to figure Luffy out and it was only out of respect that no one ever touched upon the subject. There was no need to after all, it wasn't like Luffy was destroying himself from the inside, no, Zoro would never allow that. Luffy was all smiles and laughter when there were no incidents, and small arguments, like those Sanji and Zoro had every single day, were nothing to even blink twice about.

This was ultimately why Sanji had changed his opinion about fear, because while Luffy had close to no fears, the ones he had were rooted in horrible experiences, and he used those experiences and the fears he had gained from them to ensure that he would always be strong enough to not breathe life into those fears. Their two years apart had been hard, because they had done exactly that, but they still got stronger. They got stronger because they were afraid... It was just a pity that not all fears could be dealt with by being strong.

Sanji was alone in the kitchen and he was panicking. The crew was unaware of their current situation, because, unlike Luffy, Sanji was a good liar, but just because they didn't know didn't exactly change their situation. They had been at sea for almost two weeks at this point, and while they sometimes encountered islands within a few days, most times it would take much longer. Usually it wouldn't be a problem, since they would buy food to last them at least a week, and in addition to that the ocean held many opportunities for food. They even had a big aquarium where they could store fresh fish for as long as they wanted. They had fresh fruit from Nami's tangerines, and even if she wasn't fond of using them all the time, she did acknowledge that it would be a waste to not eat them, and they were a good source for vitamins not found at sea. They also had Chopper and Sanji's herb garden, which in cases of emergency had herbs, which made people full faster. All in all, it was unlikely that they find themselves facing starvation, but that was now the case.

The pantry was almost empty. The only things left were a sack of potatoes, another bag of different vegetables and some cheese. The fridge had eggs, dairy products, some leftovers from last night and booze. There were a few small fish left in the aquarium, and herbs couldn't really replace a meal, so their stock situation was downright shitty. It didn't help that they for a solid five days hadn't been able to catch a single fish, and they had no clue why. So now Sanji was faced with having to make breakfast with almost nothing to actually cook. While no one knew that they had almost run out of food - because Sanji knew that people would start starving themselves if they ever found out - they did know that their food situation wasn't the best. When they had had no luck obtaining food after two days, Sanji had told them that he would start rationing food, just in case. Of course he had also told them that they still had plenty of food in the pantry, but panic was the last thing they needed at the moment... except that Sanji was panicking right now.

Breakfast was the most important meal. It was the foundation of the energy you had throughout the day and it helped the mind wake up and be alert. As a pirate crew, they had to alert at all times, because they were safe from approximately no one, which was another reason Sanji didn't tell them that they were as low on food as they were. If they were attacked, it was very important that Luffy, at the very least, could fight to his fullest, and more than anyone, Luffy was in need of food. And Sanji knew that the first person who would start eating less, if not out right stop eating, would be Luffy, because his crew always came first. They hadn't encountered a single ship since they left the last island, which Sanji took as a bad sign. It meant that either they would encounter someone very soon or that they had entered some place of the Grand Line, which people normally kept away from. Both options were bad considering their current food shortage.

Sanji slapped himself hard and left his dark thoughts. He still had food to serve his crew, so he just had to make do with what he had and he got to work. As Sanji made breakfast, he heard the voices of Usopp and Nami just outside. They were both early risers, so it wasn't rare that they would be up and talking before coming to the kitchen for breakfast, but when Franky joined their conversation and they all started to sound alarmed, Sanji feared the worst. It wasn't long after that Franky entered the kitchen and broke the news.

Just this morning Usopp had figured out why they had been unable to catch any fish. It was the water. There was something in the water, something unnatural, which made the fish reluctant to live in the area, which the strawhats now found themselves in, and whatever was in the water was now so intense that they could no longer filter it. This meant that on top of having little to no food, they were now also suffering from a water shortage. Great. Absolutely fucking great! Sanji could have cried. Right then and there he could have broken down and just cried. At least when he had been stranded on a rock, there had been water, but here no, nothing.

Of course Sanji knew better than to completely break down and together the four of them discussed their current water situation, while Sanji continued to prepare breakfast and pretend that water was the only issue they had to deal with. They started by swearing off showers until their situation turned, they'd rather smell than die after all. They also devised a plan to make sure that Zoro stopped training, just for a while, as his water intake was the highest out of all of them. The plan involved Nami threatening him with money, and if that didn't work, as a second option they would get Usopp to make Luffy forbid Zoro from training. With these water consuming things removed the only three things they needed water for was drinking, so that they wouldn't dehydrate. Sanji also needed water to cook with and they needed water for their garden. The last part might not seem important, but their garden held more than just pretty flowers. They had Usopp's pop green, which were a rarity and Usopp lost his weapon if his part of the garden died. The herb garden was important, not only for food, but also for medicine, so they couldn't let that die either. The tangerine trees had food growing on them, and was their only source for citrus, so they needed water too. The only thing they could allow to sacrifice was Robin's flowerbed.

The day went by fast. The crew came in for breakfast and Nami informed them of their water situation. People seemed to understand fast enough, and Zoro was easily dealt with. Sanji was quite surprised at how little he complained, but Zoro understood that he couldn't jeopardise the crew's lives just because he was impatient to get stronger. Sanji made sure to make the meals as different as possibly so that no one would know that they were running low on food as well as water, but he also made sure to not eat much himself. When Luffy asked if wasn't joining them at the table to eat, Sanji lied and said that he had already eaten or that he would eat afterwards, when in reality the only intake he'd had was the few bites he took to make sure that everything had enough salt and was cooked to perfection.

When he had cleaned the kitchen after dinner, he allowed himself a cup of tea and sat down to best figure out how to get through the next day. He would have to cut down on the amount of food he would serve again, and some would get less than others. Sanji decided that Luffy and Zoro would get the most food, as most enemies could be dealt with by the two of them. He reduced his own food intake to almost nothing, and he also reduced Brook's significantly. Chopper and Nami also got less, as they were the smallest crew members and needed less food. Robin, Franky and Usopp's portions would be reduced only slightly, as they were good supporting fighters and needed a good amount of food too. It was hard to figure out how to best preserve the food. Sanji had enough food to give everyone a proper meal twice, meaning that he could probably stretch their food to last about one or two days, but not longer, and especially not if they got attacked.

Sanji burrowed his head in his arms and gripped his elbows tight. He hated not being able to feed his crew, he hated the feeling of prolonged hunger (smoking only could do so much and he had ended up not even lighting a cigarette the last few days, call it personal punishment) and he hated that he felt like a failure. He knew that, essentially, it wasn't his fault. He wasn't actually in charge of how much food they had, but that did not stop Sanji from blaming himself.

"What's wrong?" Usopp's voice asked and Sanji almost jumped from shock. He hadn't heard Usopp enter and he could only imagine what Usopp was thinking seeing Sanji breaking down over a cup of tea.

"Nothing, just tired," Sanji lied, hoping that he could pass his position of as being sleepy, but the king of liars didn't believe him for a second.

"I know you're lying Sanji, and I know you've been lying to us for awhile now." Sanji looked up at Usopp and found that he wasn't actually looking at him, he was looking at the fridge, "We are low on food, aren't we?"

"Yes," Sanji whispered, defeated.

"Even more than you said a few days ago."

"Yes."

They sat in silence for awhile. Sanji was kind of glad that of all the people who could have seen through him, it had been Usopp. He wasn't sure when it had happened, but throughout their journey on the Grand Line, Usopp had become the one Sanji came to when he needed to talk. Usopp was a good listener and he gave extremely good advise, and Sanji found his company pleasant and effortless. It wasn't that the other straw hats wouldn't listen to any of his problems, he was sure that they would help him out, even if just wanted to vent about Zoro, but during the time Sanji and Usopp had spent together, they had grown as close as brothers. In personality they were very different people, but they shared each other's values and that was more important than being alike.

"How much do we have left?" Usopp finally asked and Sanji bit his lip, because saying it out loud, would be like admitting that they were in a crisis they couldn't get out of.

"I would say that the contents of the aquarium is about ninety percent of what he have."

Usopp stared wide-eyed at him, "But... That's not even enough for a day."

Sanji looked down again, "I know..."

There was a short pause until Usopp spoke again: "You're blaming yourself."

"Of course, I-"

"Don't," Usopp interrupted, "Don't blame yourself, because it's not your fault... It's no one's fault."

"I know, but-" Sanji protested not really knowing why.

"It's  _not_ your fault," Usopp repeated, and Sanji knew that if Usopp didn't want to keep their conversation private, he would have yelled at him. Usopp did that a lot Sanji recalled. Whenever Sanji was being extra difficult and he wouldn't see sense, Usopp would yell at him until he did. It was quite effective actually.

Usopp got up and moved to leave the kitchen, leaving Sanji to prepare for tomorrow. There wasn't much Usopp could do when it came down to it.

"I know why you didn't say anything, so I won't either. Just..." Usopp looked at him determined, "Just don't starve yourself. You're just as important as the rest of us."

With that he left and Sanji could only stare at the door he had walked out of. Usopp hadn't panicked when he had learned of their situation, not really, and the sniper's courage was apparently contagious, because suddenly Sanji felt more at ease.

It didn't change their situation though, and the chance of running completely out of food was not a far of nightmare, but just as Sanji worked on how to preserve whatever food they had the best, Usopp had been working on how to get out of their predicament.

"What if we move at night?" Usopp suggested during breakfast, which everyone had noticed was significantly smaller than yesterday's meal, "The faster we get out of this part of the ocean, the better, right?"

"It's too dangerous," Nami said, there was a reason they stopped at night after all, "We have less visibility at night so if we run into any enemies it would be harder to avoid them, and we are trying to avoid conflict. There is also the problem of the weather. This is the Grand Line and the more we move, the more the weather changes, and I cannot be awake all the time."

"Yes, I know that, but what if we move slowly? If we move a little below half speed even I have the skill to predict the weather in time, and I also have the best vision out of anyone here. That combined with my observation haki should be enough to avoid any unwanted enemies at night."

"Your observation haki?" Nami asked puzzled and Sanji remembered that the only ones who knew about Usopp's haki were himself and Luffy who had been teaching him how to control it, "You have haki?"

"Yeah, but that's not really important now," Usopp said and Sanji noted how people were confused that Usopp wasn't bragging in the slightest. It was the perfect moment to do so. Usopp had acquired a technique which up until this point had been one only the monster trio possessed, so for Usopp to not boost his own ego spoke levels of their dire situation, "What's important is that as long as I am on watch, we can safely move at night."

Nami thought about it for awhile, but eventually agreed with him and Luffy gave Usopp permission to take all the night watches until they were out of the dry sea, as they had started to call it. Outside the brilliant idea that it was, Sanji knew that there was more to it than Usopp had explained. For him to have every single watch duty meant that he would have to change his sleep schedule, which would make it unbelievably easy for him to miss meals without anyone suspecting anything whatsoever. Sanji was a little bit mad at Usopp if he thought that Sanji would let him get away with not eating, but then again, he was kind of doing the same thing, so his anger wasn't really justified.

After breakfast people left the kitchen and Sanji began cleaning, but he noticed that Brook had yet to leave the room, and after staring at him for a few seconds, it became apparent that he wasn't about to leave.

"You won't have to give me food until we restock," Brook suddenly said and Sanji almost dropped a plate.

"You can't just stop eating," Sanji almost yelled at him, and Brook just shook his head.

"I don't need food to stay alive. I need food to gain energy, but not to live, so me not eating won't resolve in anything permanent. Besides... both you and Usopp seem determined to not eat, so I urge of you to eat my share. Luffy-san wouldn't approve his best friend and prized chef starving."

"He wouldn't approve of any of us starving!" Sanji protested, but lately, all his protests had been for naught.

"I won't be starving, Sanji-san. Are you forgetting that I lived for years without food?" Sanji had no response, "I won't tell anyone about our situation, but sooner or later people will start to notice."

Brook left the kitchen before Sanji could argue any further, and Sanji had to realize the truth of his last statement. Soon more people would start asking questions, and the more people knew, the more they would start blaming themselves for various things, and a depressed crew was the last thing they needed.

Lunch came and went, and Sanji was forced to realize that in a day there would be no more food left. They were down to five small fish and a few things which wouldn't even make a meal that could fill Nami up, so Sanji was desperate for a miracle. That was when Usopp's voice caught everyone's attention. Since Zoro was no longer allowed to train, he spend all his time on deck, mostly sleeping or just observing other crew members. This meant that Usopp had taken the crow's nest and he had therefore been the first to notice what they were sailing towards.

Sanji ran to deck, first worried that he had sighted an enemy ship, but by the look of people's faces and Usopp when he came down, it seemed that there was nothing to worry about. This was also the first time Sanji had been outside of the kitchen during downtime since their food and water shortage had begun, and it was safe to say that the strawhats were affected by the lack of food. Luffy and Chopper had joined Zoro for a nap, Nami was sitting in the shade of her tangerine trees and gathering the ones that were ripe, which weren't many, but food was food. Robin had joined Franky in his workplace, and they had only just arrived on deck, and Brook was sat by the mast tuning his violin. The atmosphere was peaceful, but not as lively as it would normally be, however, everyone had put a stop to their activities (could you call the activities?) when Usopp came to inform them of what he had seen.

Not too far in the distance was a giant shipwreck. Usopp had estimated that at least five ships lay destroyed in the waters, and after a little discussion about what to do, they all decided that they might as well check it out.

After an hour they arrived at the site of the shipwreck, and it was clear as day that some sort of battle had taken place here. There were the wrecks of three marine ships and at least five other ships, which they all just assumed were pirate ships... or former pirate ships. Another notable thing about this particular area was that the water wasn't blue. It almost looked like one of the marine ships was leaking out some sort of chemical which discoloured the water, and Usopp and Franky quickly determined that this was the cause of the dry ocean. They slowly made their way through the shipwreck, but not having done anything for many days, Luffy took the chance to explore a bit. One of the presumed pirate ships was mostly intact, and Luffy thought that there might be something on the ship, so he disappeared inside of it. Zoro was quick to follow his captain to the ruined ship, when Nami said that someone should keep an eye on him to make sure that he 1) didn't fall into the ocean and 2) came back to their ship before they left the area.

No one actually expected Luffy to come back with anything interesting, but they were all very happy when they were proved wrong. Luffy came directly to Nami as he had found a small bag of golden treasure and her day was instantly made. Zoro was right behind him and he carried a big wooden box and a barrel on top. To Sanji's joy the box contained food, while the barrel contained wine. There wasn't more food than what would last them a day, but it was a day nonetheless and Sanji was not about to complain.

They left the area and Sanji went back to the kitchen to cook dinner. According to Sanji's first calculations they should have run out of food by breakfast in two days, but thanks to Usopp eating less, Brook not eating at all and Luffy being Luffy and having found more food, they lasted until dinner on the third day, but by then it was also really bad. The waters were still completely devoid of any lifeforms, and their water shortage where beginning to look more like a complete lack of water. They were now at the point where they had purified the water in the aquarium, and they were on their last twenty litres. The only food source they had left was Nami's tangerine tress, which had no ripe fruit left, and even if they did, it wouldn't really be enough. So Sanji was back to being depressed and struggling to figure out how to cook the next breakfast with just about no ingredients.

When everyone had gone to bed Usopp came down from the crow's nest and joined Sanji in the kitchen. They didn't talk, they both knew what their situation was, but when everything was shitty, it was always better to be with a person, than being alone. Usopp would sometimes go out to check the log pose, the weather and their surroundings, but he would always come back when everything was fine, and more than once, Sanji wondered if they should move faster than what they had promised Nami. He decided against it though. None of them had the energy to frantically escape a storm, and this speed would allow them to steer clear of said storms, so Sanji never voiced his opinion. He did force Usopp to drink a cup of tea though, just to deal with the situation. Starvation seemed like a smaller threat when you watched someone drink, so as much as it was for Usopp's own good and health, it also helped Sanji's mental stability.

Sanji had completely given up on trying to magically cook a meal and when the sun rose over the horizon, both him and Usopp sat by the railing watching as night illuminated and turned to day. It was peaceful as the sun rose, the ocean was still and the wind only blew enough to move them forward, so when Usopp suddenly dove into water with no warning, Sanji jumped out of surprise. Usopp was underwater for almost a minute and Sanji was ready to dive in after him, but Usopp surfaced before he did so, and showed Sanji why he had jumped in. In Usopp's hand was a fish, not a big one, but if there was one fish, there would be more, and that meant they must have left the dry sea. Usopp got out of the water and both of them went to get the fishing gear. Usopp also tested the water and when he had determined that it was no longer overflowing with chemicals, he went to re-open the filtering system, which would purify the salt water.

Sanji was happy. He had managed to get through the ordeal without letting the crew miss a single meal, even though those meals had slowly decreased in size... but they had gotten food and that was the important thing. Brook was the first one to join them on deck, and he took over for Sanji, so that he could go make them a proper breakfast.

As Sanji cooked the first meal of the day he realized how well he had handled the situation. Sure, he had panicked a couple of times, and he had eaten close to nothing over the course of a week, but at no point had he completely freaked out and broken down to the point of no mending. Sanji mostly had Usopp to thank for that. There was bravery to be found in another person's company, and though the thought of starvation was still Sanji's biggest fear, he also knew how to deal with that fear. Sanji knew that if this had been his first encounter with starvation, he might not have been able to make the food last as long as it did, and having to deny Luffy food would be even worse than starving in Sanji's mind.

When breakfast came around, the crew was surprised to find themselves being served a feast, but Sanji only smiled and told them to dig in. Explanations would come later, for now they could only eat until they were full.


End file.
